My Last Posting as Everyday Love.

As some of  you may know, I am interested in starting a new chapter in my life. A chapter that I had closed for a while after I found out I was going to be a mama. I am going to start my new blog. I'm looking to launch it with my etsy store before the year is up. most of you know my talented, handsome husband Bryan

 Well aside from just being the handsom husband and daddy of the year, he also happens to be a bad ass web designer!See his portfolio here. He is going to help me make a new blog and also help me get my etsy store looking nice. Please send me all you inspiration and motivation as I embark on this journey. This is what I've always wanted. I remember trying to convince people to let me style them on a budget for ages and ages. I am so excited to get to do something that makes me happy. something to keep me busy and keep my creative mind open and working. I hope that you will follow me on my journey and please offer any kind words of encouragement.I know that this will not happen over night. I know that some people will want me to fail.-theres always someone. I can assure you that i will not stop until I find a little piece of happiness that is mine.

-  Worst case scenerio, I dont make any money but I'm happy.

-Best case scenerio I make money and I am happy. win win.

Follow your dreams. Do what makes you happy. Don't sit back and tell youself that you can't do anything. You can do whatever you want, you just have to do it! It's that simple.

This song  has been an anthem this month.

Ben Howard warms my heart and my kids LOVE this song.

(excuse the terrible advertisement before the video)



My Love/Hate Relationship With Blogging.

I LOVE the idea of blogging about my life and all the things in it that i enjoy. I HATE actually doing it. I'm searching for some motivation and also some vulnerability to just be able to say whatever i want without hesitation. I need to figure out the direction in which i want this blog to go. I have a lot on my mind right now and I'm getting very excited..I am co-choreographing a "hoop piece" for the upcoming  Jagged show which is super exciting for me.I've had to basically "sit on the bench" if you will, since my shoulder injury a few months back and it's been killing me to not be working on performances with the rest of the gals.Here are some photos from the Jagged show back in March:

I am so excited to get to perform again and hopefully soon resume my aerial practice.

On to other news, for those of you who know me well, you know i had bigger plans before i found out i was having my babies. I found my old notebook with my business plan in it from when i was going to start my own vintage/thrift business. I am currently researching ways to make this dream a reality. Unfortunately for me, i do not have all the time in the world so this will be a long,slow process but i know i am meant to do more than take care of  babies.-which might i add, i will be doing for the rest of my life any way so i might as well start figuring out my path as well. I am open to any and all advice.I am going to bring out my sewing machine and try to find some motivation. I am super bummed though because after the boys were born i thought i would never get to wear any of my vintage clothes any more and sold most of my collection. i'm not worried though. i've always had a good eye and i've been thrifting since as long as i can remember. My mom who claimed to be an "antique dealer" would take me on her scouting adventures. i tell ya what if OMG had been around back then, my mom would have made a killing! She has an eagle eye for vintage things. I remember playing hooky back when i was in school and my mom would take me on adventures to yard sales and thrift stores and how i realized at an early age how cool it was.Not only do you get the chance to reuse (& in turn recycle) clothing and home goods but you have the character that came along with the pieces. I knew a long time ago this would be my calling and it's just taken some time to realize i can do this and be a mama. I may need some encouragement and help along the way but i am more than ready to start taking baby steps toward where i want to be.

In conclusion. 

I know it's been a few days since my last post but I think I realized why committing to do something for 7 days is such a challenge.I never know when I'm going to get to find time for me time. Like now, my challenge ended tuesday and I'm just now getting around to the blog to write something. I think I learned that my life is exciting and unpredictable in some ways but I'm also very structured and neurotic. I've got to find the old part of me that's buried down under the schedules and worries.The part that is still carefree and happy. The part that still says "no worries" when stressful situations arise. I've made a mental note in my head with lists of things i want to make time for.Things like finding time to hoop more. Taking the time to try and be mindful and meditate.Sleep more. Say "no" more often when i really want to.Say what i really mean.-this seems to be a big one! Incorporating more yoga at home in my daily routine. Then there are things like, get less offended when someone gives you the stink eye. We're all the same. Whatever you judge about yourself, I've probably judged myself for too. All in all I just want to try and be a better human. Everyday. The more aware I become the easier I think it will be. 

I'm getting my life together. In all sorts of ways. I am choosing happiness because I can. You can too. This song makes me happy. 

I will continue to blog because I have found it to be very beneficial.More than likely only once a week unless I feel inspired or come up with something so amazing I have to share it. 

Take a lesson from my boys: today they told me I needed to "go have a moment" which is like time out but with a more positive spin. -little did I know that moment was so needed and afterwards I was able to be better to them. So I encourage you to go have a moment whenever you need to. It's ok to be happy.

Day 6.

Excuse me while i rant:

I'm tired. Like really tired. Somedays i wonder if i will make it without 2 cups of coffee, a nap and a cupcake! Other days I'm so out of it, i forget to drink any caffeine at all. Sunday morning i woke up late and forgot to par take in my usual coffee. Sundays are my day to work. -As if being a stay at home mom isn't work! I work one beautiful, quiet day a week at East Nashville Community Acupuncture. Its wonderful. Not to mention that one day a week i get to enjoy a complementary treatment. These days are a saving grace. I highly recommend you go see what it's all about.

Anyway, i forgot to drink any caffeine and I received a pretty intense treatment and the combination gave me the worst headache i think i've had in a long time. Since i haven't been drinking and have been trying to eat healthy i think my body has been shocked. I never realized how many adult beverages i actually consume a week. After having many opportunities and having to turn them down i thought to myself,what do people my age do if they want to hang out but aren't drinking? Well, most of my friends are out drinking.Why wouldn't they be? Most of them don't have kids,or mortgages or husbands. It's sometimes hard to see my friends my age with so little responsibility. Honesty i am jealous. They get to wake up,get themselves dressed,feed themselves go to whatever job they are working,work, come home, go out  and ect. I however,get woken up at 5:30 am by two smarter than average almost 3 year olds.Then,right away they want food. obviously. We then put on their underwear,clothes ect. Play. More food.More play. More play. More food. Wrestle them into taking a nap.Rest.Wake up. Food. Play. More food. More play.Break up the occasional brawl, clean up the inevitable messes.Love. Nurture. Teach.More play. Bath and then the moment we parents long for everyday: BED TIME! No more than 30 minutes after they are asleep i am reminded of something sweet,smart or funny they did or said and I'm tempted to wake them up again. Life with kids is crazy. You can't explain it but it's a common thing most parents understand. You love your kids. Some days they are animals, monsters even.Other days you're amazed at how lucky you are because you get to be the one to raise them and help them along on their journey. 

As far as parenting and my challenge go, i have definitely been more patient and understanding. I forget sometimes that these are not just kids but they are human beings here on earth doing the same thing i am doing.Learning and growing. 

From here to here

These dudes are changing my life. Even though most people my age aren't anywhere close to being ready to do what i do I chose this. Just like i choose to love and care for them everyday. I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Well, i'd take a maid and a chef and a personal yoga guru but since i can't afford those things i must CHOOSE to be those things too. I am choosing to be more aware and like i said, i believe that's the first step to anyone changing anything in their life. I encourage you to think about something in your life that you want to change. Whatever it is, i promise you that if you really want to change it and you become more aware-you can. Yes, i believe it to be that simple. Go do it.

Day 5.

At this point, i look at the keyboard and think..ok.go. Like something magical and insightful is just going to come out through me. I've realized this week that i have a lot of expectations for myself.This being one example. I just made up that i was going to be insightful and thought that just like that, it would be so. 

It's not. It doesn't work that way. This is something i am learning on my journey. I am also learning that this is what i make it to be. It doesn't have to be this big elaborate "change".It's going to be gradual. it's going to take some time. I am at least being made aware of these things. I feel that it's a start. This reminds me of the 16 different times I've started reading the book "The Miracle of Mindfulness" by Thich Nhat Hanh. Though i've never finished it,it always brings me back to the start. Being aware.Being present in the moment. I always re-read books like this because i am afraid i'm going to miss something if I don't apply it right then and there. Maybe i'll start and finish this one this time. 

Today my "me time" was not what i had intended it to be. Life with kids is funny that way. Most days don't turn out the way you think they're going to. After finally getting the boys down for a nap I sat down by myself and thought hard about what "me time" would be today. I decided to clean my house. Do the dishes,sweep,mop...the things that get neglected. I was so determined and wanted to also read a magazine and have a cup of coffee,all before Bryan and the boys woke up. I chose to be motivated. By cleaning first I would then allow myself the time to drink my coffee and  read my magazine. I could have very easily taken a nap. That's normally what i would have done but I really wanted to make today different. I also wanted to be able to enjoy time with Bryan tonight when the boys went to bed instead of having to clean all night. 

After many hours of debating on a class to take i ended up not taking a class at all. I instead decided to practice on my own today. (something that usually scares me.) However, this time, i asked Bryan if he wanted to try with me. I dimmed the lights, lit some incense and pulled together a playlist that i thought he would enjoy. I've never led a class before nor do i know much about the yoga principles and why you are supposed to do the things you do and in what order and so on. So speaking these things out loud was very strange for me. He did very well,although it was a very short practice-per his request. He let me make adjustments and we laughed, something that i do in my practice a lot. Yoga can be very funny. I've already seen a change in myself. I'm saying yes more. I'm also really trying to better myself so that i can be better to those around me. I feel happy.I am going to leave you with the song that we listened to in Savasana. I found it to be perfect.

Days 3 and 4.

Both of these days were kind of excruciating for me both mentally and physically. Like i mentioned before i have a shoulder injury thats been killing me. I've also just been informed that my best friend is moving away. Maybe forever. I know she will be back to visit but it's just really fast and breaks my heart. She's more than a friend. She is my sister. Not by blood but close enough. Hearing about her journey and where it's taking her reminds me that some people will always be care takers. God knows she's taken care of me. She's moving home to take care of her grandparents because she is the only one in her family that will. She plans to stay and start a farm. Find and marry a man. Have some babies. She is so courageous and selfless. It has been very short notice as she just decided,on a whim, that this was her calling. My life will not be the same with out her. 

I'm pretty sure this is the first official picture of our friendship. 

Natalie, I love you and i will miss you but like i said before, i know you're going to be just fine. Your heart is so big and so full of love. I'll never forget the many memories we have created together.

So, as far as my "challenge" I may have fallen off the horse for 2 days but I'm not letting that stop me. I've still managed to have some "me"

time and i will be back at yoga tomorrow. I really needed to give my shoulders a break. Tonight, while Bryan is having his "boys night" I am having a girls night by myself. writing letters to friends and reading a book that i hope is helping me on my journey as a parent. Raising Our Children.Raising Ourselves.

I plan to be more diligent about my blogging. After all, it is a "challenge". I have definitely been challenged. Trying to do anything, consistently for a certain amount of days in a row is not easy. I will not let it get me down. I knew this would not be easy. It is a life change, a life challenge if you will and nothing happens over night.

Day 2.

I'm not gonna lie, i didn't wake up all "zen" and changed and whatnot like i guess i thought i would. it's so funny that i thought i would. I was actually a smidge cranky. "Just.Get.Up."I knew if i could just bring myself to get it together and get out the door, it would be worth it. Every time i walk in the doors at Steadfast and True i feel at home.

It's amazing to me that i've only been here a handful of times but that's enough to know that this is a special place. It makes me want to try to figure out more ways to get my butt here. Today's class was a Hatha class.


Hatha Yoga-  via steadfast...
"This style of Hatha Yoga emphasizes the integration of breath and

movement to facilitate the natural unfolding of a linked sequence of poses, or vinyasa. By applying a more internal, energetic approach to the practice, students will learn how to move through poses with more intelligence, structural awareness, alignment, stability and ease."

This is my favorite class because it forces me to slow down. it's easy in yoga to want to "win the race" while doing vinyasas. "i want to be stronger than my neighbor or look at me, i never have to take child's pose." I've been guilty of getting jealous in yoga class. not so much anymore but you feel like you need to be better.you want to be "more advanced". I've learned that if you accept that you are always a beginner then you never get disappointed by what you cant do.Right now, with my shoulder injury, it's been a challenge to not push through things. i'm having to focus on my breath and really be aware of what's available to me. 

- i actually just laughed out  loud at the fact that i'm talking about yoga in such a way. Like i said, I will always be a beginner. 

As the class came to a close and i was on my back opening my shoulders up,i watched the prayer flags as they seemed to move to the music and felt a tear roll down my cheek.I must have unlocked something inside. I know it's for the best and i wait to see if any more emotions come up. It's not uncommon for me to feel emotional after such a restorative class. I have a lot going on in my life and those who know me well know i am a bit sensitive. I like to think in a good way.

Whatever. I cried at yoga this morning and it was awesome. This is my journey.I can cry if i want to.

Now on to something that does not make me cry and in fact brings me great joy:

This guy. Hello! 

I've had a great day with the babes and now i'm about to take a bath and write some cards and notes to people in my life that are of importance. I'd say today was a success. I'm ready knowing that tomorrow is going to be a long day but i will make sure to have my time. I'm gonna take a stab at meditation again tomorrow. It's been a while. 

Namaste.