Day 5.

At this point, i look at the keyboard and think..ok.go. Like something magical and insightful is just going to come out through me. I've realized this week that i have a lot of expectations for myself.This being one example. I just made up that i was going to be insightful and thought that just like that, it would be so. 

It's not. It doesn't work that way. This is something i am learning on my journey. I am also learning that this is what i make it to be. It doesn't have to be this big elaborate "change".It's going to be gradual. it's going to take some time. I am at least being made aware of these things. I feel that it's a start. This reminds me of the 16 different times I've started reading the book "The Miracle of Mindfulness" by Thich Nhat Hanh. Though i've never finished it,it always brings me back to the start. Being aware.Being present in the moment. I always re-read books like this because i am afraid i'm going to miss something if I don't apply it right then and there. Maybe i'll start and finish this one this time. 

Today my "me time" was not what i had intended it to be. Life with kids is funny that way. Most days don't turn out the way you think they're going to. After finally getting the boys down for a nap I sat down by myself and thought hard about what "me time" would be today. I decided to clean my house. Do the dishes,sweep,mop...the things that get neglected. I was so determined and wanted to also read a magazine and have a cup of coffee,all before Bryan and the boys woke up. I chose to be motivated. By cleaning first I would then allow myself the time to drink my coffee and  read my magazine. I could have very easily taken a nap. That's normally what i would have done but I really wanted to make today different. I also wanted to be able to enjoy time with Bryan tonight when the boys went to bed instead of having to clean all night. 

After many hours of debating on a class to take i ended up not taking a class at all. I instead decided to practice on my own today. (something that usually scares me.) However, this time, i asked Bryan if he wanted to try with me. I dimmed the lights, lit some incense and pulled together a playlist that i thought he would enjoy. I've never led a class before nor do i know much about the yoga principles and why you are supposed to do the things you do and in what order and so on. So speaking these things out loud was very strange for me. He did very well,although it was a very short practice-per his request. He let me make adjustments and we laughed, something that i do in my practice a lot. Yoga can be very funny. I've already seen a change in myself. I'm saying yes more. I'm also really trying to better myself so that i can be better to those around me. I feel happy.I am going to leave you with the song that we listened to in Savasana. I found it to be perfect.